A Reunion
by benjji2795
Summary: Jude goes to his high school class' 5 year reunion. What will it be like when he sees Connor again, when they haven't spoken since graduation? And how will Jude's boyfriend handle seeing Jude's old high school crush?
1. Part 1

"Look Jude, it's going to be fine." Jude's boyfriend, Dylan, said. Jude ran a hand through his hair. It was obviously not fine; he was probably going to see Connor for the first time in five years. Connor, the boy he spent most of middle school and all of high school crushing on. His best friend, that was, until college when Connor stopped answering his calls and texts. Not that Jude really wanted to tell Dylan about his past with Connor. What he had with Dylan was really good, and he didn't want some high school crush that he was supposed to be over messing that up. How he was going to handle it if Connor was actually there, he didn't know, since Dylan was coming with him.

"I'm just nervous Dylan, I mean I haven't seen most of these people since graduation, and I'm not exactly the best in social situations." Jude said, nervously adjusting his bow tie.

"I don't know, you always seem pretty comfortable when I'm around." Dylan said, swatting Jude's hands away from his tie so he could fix it himself. "There, perfect." he said, leaning in to give Jude a quick kiss.

Jude was fighting an almost unwinnable battle with himself over Connor. He wanted to tell Dylan about him, as that would probably make tonight easier to deal with. But then again, they had a conversation a couple months ago where they told each other about all their "skeletons in the closet", and Jude had conveniently left out Connor, so he didn't want to make Dylan mad because he'd never mentioned Connor before. Jude had managed to work himself into a mess, as if he hadn't learned from his family that every secret kept always turns into a mess. So rather than say anything that could prepare Dylan for what might be coming, he was just silent, grabbing Dylan's hand as they walked out of the apartment to go to the reunion.

* * *

"Jude, is that you?"

Jude tried to make himself small, hunching over the table as if that would make Connor unable to see him. But Connor had already noticed him and was walking over to the table where he and Dylan were sitting.

"Hey Connor." Jude said, trying to sound cheery. "Umm, Dylan, this is Connor. He was one of my high school friends." he continued, turning to gesture towards Dylan. "Connor, this is my boyfriend, Dylan."

"Dylan, it's nice to meet you." Connor said flatly, extending his hand for Dylan to shake. Jude groaned inwardly. This was the same treatment he had always got from Connor when they were in high school. He would be dating someone, and Connor would be polite but obviously also unhappy. It wouldn't work out, and Connor would go back to being happy, but not make any kind of move. It confused the hell out of high school Jude, but present Jude was pretty sure what it meant.

"Mind if I join you guys?" Connor asked. Dylan nodded before Jude could say no. "So how's life?"

"I—uh it's fine Connor. I'm working as a publicist for the San Diego Padres here in San Diego. Dylan and I have been dating for almost 3 years." Jude shrugged, that was the important stuff.

"Three years, wow that's really great, I'm happy for you two." Connor said, just as flatly as earlier. Jude had already had enough of this, grabbing Connor's arm and dragging him away from the table.

"We'll be right back I just need to talk to Connor for a second." Jude called over his shoulder, not looking to see what expression Dylan was giving him for this.

"What the fuck are you doing Connor?" Jude asked, once they were safely in the bathroom out of sight. "How can you just act like you didn't ignore me for five years, and then give Dylan that flat, obviously unhappy tone that you gave every boyfriend I ever had when we were in high school?" Jude continued angrily.

"I—I—I—" Connor stuttered.

"God, this is just like high school all over again. Except this time being rude to my boyfriend isn't going to get me to come crawling back to you like it did back then." Jude spat, turning to walk out the door. Connor grabbed Jude's arm, pulling him back, spinning him around and planting a kiss on his lips.

"The fuck, Connor! What the hell!" Jude said, angrily pulling away, trying to ignore the reaction his body was having to Connor kissing him. Connor still didn't speak, instead just staring at Jude. Jude turned away, walking out and this time Connor didn't stop him, just watching him walk away.

"Come on Dylan, we're leaving." Jude said, grabbing Dylan's hand and pulling him up and out of his seat

"What happened Jude?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

"But I—"

"I said I don't want to talk about it!"

"Does this have anything to do with that Connor guy?" Dylan asked cautiously. Jude froze where he stood. "I—look Jude I'm not an idiot. I saw the way he looked at you and…" he hesitated. "I saw the way you looked at him."

"Dylan can we please not—"

"Jude, just answer me one thing. Honestly, were you ever over him?" Dylan said, looking at Jude with sad eyes.

"I—" Jude mumbled, staring at his feet. Dylan sighed.

"The whole time we've been dating, I've always been afraid that you were never really into me like I was into you, but I just kinda assumed that it was part of your personality. Like you just aren't great at showing your emotions or whatever, you know? But then I saw Connor, and the look you were giving him, and it all clicked. You were never _really_ looking for love, just for someone to fill the void that Connor left, and I'm sorry but Jude, I'm not him. It hurts that we—I lost so much time pretending our relationship was something more than it was. But Jude you—you should go after Connor. It doesn't take a lot of brains to see that you're both still head over heels for each other." Dylan leaned over, giving Jude one last hug before walking away. "Goodbye Jude."

Jude just sat on the curb, stunned by what just happened. Just like that, one encounter with Connor, and three years got thrown away just like that. It was probably really good for Connor that he wasn't anywhere near Jude right now, or else Jude would've slapped him.

Dylan had called for a taxi. It was Jude's car, Jude's apartment, Jude's everything. He'd always kept himself a little bit separated from Dylan, because he could never fully commit to him. Not while Connor still lingered in his mind.

Jude got up and slowly walked to his car, trying to ignore the tears that were welling up in his eyes. He drove to the apartment, finding it empty. Some how, he was hoping against hope that Dylan had just gone back to the apartment and would be waiting there for him to get back. Now alone, he walked to the bed, curling up in a ball and crying until there were no more tears left. Sure, Dylan was right about him and Connor, but that didn't mean that he wanted to actually be in a relationship with Connor. Connor was too confusing, too unstable, and too uncertain. He didn't know Connor like he did five years ago. What made Dylan think he just wanted to jump at Connor simply because they saw each other at their high school reunion? He and Dylan were over, he understood that, but now that he had walked out of the reunion without saying another word to Connor, it seemed pretty likely he wasn't going to see Connor again.


	2. Part 2

"Connor, you need to go to the reunion." Taylor urged.

"Why should I? Who am I going to see besides Jude?" Connor replied, sprawled out on the couch in his apartment.

"That's exactly why you should go!" Taylor exclaimed. Connor bolted upright.

"I should go because of Jude? Taylor I thought you were supposed to be convincing me to go." Connor groaned.

"It would be good for you two to catch up!"

"We haven't talked in five years, and _I_ was the one who cut off contact. You think he really is going to want to talk to me after that?"

"You never know!"

"I'm not going Taylor."

"Yes you are Connor Stevens, even if I have to drag you to the party myself. You've been moping around your apartment for far too long." Taylor said firmly.

"It's not easy getting over love." Connor countered.

"You were dating the guy for 3 months Connor, I would hardly call it love." Taylor retorted.

"How would you know, it wasn't your relationship!"

"So maybe I don't know, but Connor, you need to get out of this apartment!"

"Alright, fine. I'll go, but only to shut you up."

"I'm not picky about why you go, so long as you do." Taylor sang, grabbing Connor and dragging him into his room to pick out an outfit.

* * *

Now that he was here, Connor was deeply regretting giving into Taylor. The evening had been nothing short of an unmitigated disaster. Jude did come, but he had come with a boyfriend, one that Connor didn't know he had. One thing had led to another and now here he was standing in the bathroom, staring at the door that Jude had just walked out of. What had he just done? Jude had a boyfriend, and he had kissed him. Connor groaned, walking over to one of the bathroom sinks and leaning up against it. What had even driven him to do it? They hadn't talked in five years, and Connor could've sworn that he was over Jude. He was only here because Taylor had forced him; he didn't even want to talk to Jude. But when he saw Jude, he figured he might as well try. Maybe they could be friends again. Connor could've used another friend besides Taylor.

He had walked over, introducing himself and trying to be friendly to Jude and his boyfriend. He apparently was doing something though to make Jude upset, as he had dragged him into the bathroom, accusing him of being rude to his boyfriend. Accused him of being rude to all of his old high school boyfriends. Deep down, Connor knew Jude wasn't wrong for accusing him of that. Maybe it had been unconscious, but Connor knew he had done it. Jude had turned, walking away from him and Connor had panicked. Now that Jude was here, he had changed his mind; he wanted to talk. He wanted to apologize for his behavior and apologize for not talking to Jude. But he couldn't do that if Jude walked away, so he did the only thing he could think of. And that really wasn't to kiss him, just to grab him and keep him there. Jude had spun around, ending up inches from his face. Feeling Jude's hot breath wash over his face, staring deep into his eyes, Connor felt himself being drawn closer to Jude, almost as if by some outside force. So before he could stop himself, he was closing the distance between them, fitting his lips over Jude's. He didn't know what he expected to happen after, but if he had thought about it, it probably would've been something close to the way Jude had cussed him out, storming away.

Someone walked into the bathroom, breaking Connor from his thoughts. Connor stood back up and walked out of the bathroom, looking around to see if Jude was still there. Not seeing Jude or his boyfriend, Connor walked over to any empty table, slumping into a chair. Did he kiss Jude because he really wasn't over him like he thought he was? That seemed to be the only explanation that made sense for Connor. But he felt like he was over Jude; or at least he _had_ felt like he was over Jude. Now he wanted nothing more than to feel those lips on his again. But Jude was gone and Connor didn't think that he had any way to contact him now, so he stood up, slowly ambling out of the hall and back to his apartment.

* * *

"What am I going to do?" Jude asked Taylor, his head in his hands. They had met at a coffee shop the day after the reunion. Taylor, even though she had forced Connor to go, hadn't gone herself. But she wanted to hear how it went, and Connor wasn't replying to any of her texts. She usually met Jude for coffee today anyway, as was their tradition since they graduated, so she had determinedly pressed Jude until he had told her the story of what happened between them. It had gone about as well as she could've hoped. They had kissed, Jude had broken up with his boyfriend, and that left nothing in the way of the two of them getting together, something Taylor had secretly hoped would've been the result of their meeting at the reunion.

"Sounds to me like you need to talk to Connor." Taylor said, as Jude finished his version of events, sipping her coffee. Jude looked up at her, eyes wide.

"Talk to Connor?" he scoffed. "That's the last thing I want to do, Taylor. He broke us up!" Taylor laughed, spitting out the coffee that was in her mouth. From everything she had heard, Jude was so wrong it was hysterical.

"From everything you just told me, it seems pretty obvious you broke your own relationship up." Taylor said, explaining since Jude was giving her a confused look.

"I broke us up?! But how?!" Jude exclaimed, even more confused now.

"Well let's start with the fact that you're _still_ not over Connor even though you'd been dating Dylan for three years."

"But just because I wasn't over Connor didn't mean I didn't love Dylan!" Jude protested.

"But how do you think that feels to Dylan; that no matter what, he'll always be second in your heart?" Taylor asked.

"But I—"

"Jude, just talk to Connor. See how things go. You obviously still like Connor, and it seems to me that Connor might like you." Taylor told Jude. Jude huffed. She was right. He needed to talk to Connor, but he wanted to be stubborn. He wanted to stay mad at Connor even though, as Taylor had made it clear, Connor really didn't have anything to do with his breakup. "Jude, now is not the time to be obstinate." Taylor added, sensing what Jude appeared to be thinking.

"Alright, fine." Jude sighed. "But how am I supposed to do that? I don't know how to find him."

"Google? White Pages? Facebook? Twitter? There are so many options, Jude. Finding Connor isn't going to be as hard as you think." Taylor answered, getting up and heading out of the coffee shop where the two had met. Then she stopped and turned back towards Jude. "Jude, you really need to talk to him. For God's sake, don't be a stubborn ass."

* * *

Later that night, Jude sat in his apartment, staring at his computer, fingers hovering over the keys. Taylor's words echoed in his mind, goading him to stay stubborn, just to spite her and Connor, though mostly Connor. But then he heard Dylan's voice cutting through his own lack of clarity for what to do.

"…you should go after Connor. It doesn't take a lot of brains to see that you're both still head over heels for each other."

Dylan had told him to go after Connor. After all the shit he had unknowingly put Dylan through, he still just wanted Jude to be happy. Dylan wanted him to talk to Connor, maybe even be happy with Connor. So Jude wanted to talk to Connor. He owed it to Dylan. And maybe, along the way he could find out why Connor had kissed him. Find out what it all meant. Find out why he still wasn't over Connor after all these years.

So he started typing, first going on Facebook. He and Connor were still friends on there right? Jude couldn't remember; he honestly hadn't been on Facebook in a few years. He typed in Connor's name, but all the search results came up empty. Jude slumped back in his chair. Connor had either blocked him or deactivated his page. Given that Connor had just cut off all contact with him, it seemed more likely to Jude that Connor had blocked him. But whichever one of those it was, Facebook would've been the easy way to talk to Connor, and now that wasn't an option. So Jude went on to looking at other social media sites. Next he tried Twitter, finding nothing there. Nor was he able to find Connor on Tumblr or Instagram. Jude sighed. That left finding Connor's address and going over to his apartment to talk to him. Not that Jude was sure Connor's address would be listed; if it wasn't, that left either talking to Connor's dad, or he would have to hope that he might run into Connor somewhere around San Diego, assuming that Connor was still in San Diego.

Jude took a deep breath, typing in Connor's name on White Pages, praying to every deity that he could think of that the search results would give him something, anything. He hit enter, eyes glued to the screen. Nothing. Jude slammed his head on the desk, letting out an anguished scream. Right, of course that would be the case. At the reunion, when Jude didn't want to see or talk to Connor, he was there. Now when Jude wanted to talk to Connor, he was nowhere to be found, not even on the Internet. As he was trying to hype up himself for what was going to be a horribly uncomfortable encounter with Connor's dad, his phone buzzed, a text popping up on the screen. Connor. It still came up on Jude's phone under his name. Connor never changed his number. Jude mentally slapped himself for not even thinking that he might be able to text Connor.

 _C: Can we meet soon? Need to talk to you._

 _J: How about tonight?_

 _C: Sure. Meet at the beach in an hour?_

 _J: Okay_

Jude jumped up, grabbing his coat and sprinting out the door to meet Connor.


	3. Part 3

_Buzz_

Connor's phone went off. He had been sitting at his kitchen table all day, just staring at his phone. Early that day, Taylor had texted him with Jude's number (how she had it, Connor didn't know) with a simple message. _Talk to him_. So naturally, rather than texting Jude immediately, Connor had sat, eyes glued to the empty message box, agonizing over what to say to Jude. There was so much he wanted to say, and nothing that he could actually type out. So in the end, he had just asked Jude if they could meet to talk. To his surprise, it had barely been five seconds before Jude had texted him back. _How about tonight?_

Connor dropped his phone onto the table. Because not only had Jude actually replied, not only had he replied almost instantly, he really wanted to talk to him, so much so (apparently) that he had agreed to meet him, _tonight_. Once he recovered from the shock, Connor snatched up his phone, quickly tapping out for Jude to meet him at _the_ beach (their beach; Jude would already know, Connor didn't have to specify) in an hour, and rushing out the door of his apartment.

He arrived there not even ten minutes later, finding Jude already sitting on a bench, waiting for him. Connor shoved his hands in his pocket. Now came the fun part, he had to apologize for kissing Jude.

"Jude?" he said quietly as he approached the bench. Jude's head immediately swung around to look at him with his piercing brown eyes.

"Someone's a little early." Jude chuckled.

"Speak for yourself." Connor countered, surprised by Jude's friendly attitude towards him. Hadn't he just kissed Jude, against his wishes, when he already had a boyfriend? He must be covering up some other emotion, not wanting to scare him off right away. So Connor just spit it out. He couldn't stand what had to be this "fake" friendly attitude Jude was giving him. "I'm sorry for kissing you, it was the wrong thing to do—" Jude threw up his hand, signaling for Connor to stop.

"Connor, please don't apologize." Jude sighed, turning away from Connor to watch the waves crash along the shore. "It _was_ the wrong thing to do, but I don't know, maybe it was a _good_ thing to do."

"I—I don't understand, Jude. Why aren't you mad at me now? I mean you have a boyfriend and I kissed you. Isn't he upset that I did that?" Connor questioned, now thoroughly confused.

"I mean, I suppose he was upset, but not in the way you think."

"'Suppose'? 'Not in the way you think'? What does that mean Jude?"

"It means that I don't have a boyfriend anymore, Connor. We broke up right after you kissed me." Jude explained.

"Oh my—I'm so sorry Jude." Connor spluttered.

"I thought I asked you not to apologize."

"I—it's just that, I mean that means I broke you guys up, doesn't it?" Connor asked, unable to piece together all this information with Jude's reactions. It didn't add up or make any sense.

"No, it doesn't. We broke up because of me, Connor. Not you." Jude said sadly, still staring at the ocean as he spoke.

"I—I don't get it." Connor stated simply, eyes raking over Jude, trying to figure out what he was missing.

"We broke up because he deserved someone better than me; someone who loved him more than I did." Jude said.

"That doesn't make sense Jude." Connor stated, shaking his head. "You're an incredible person, if anything you deserved better than him, not the other way around."

"You're being really kind Connor." Jude replied, tearing his gaze from the water and turning to look Connor in the eye. "But I really was horrible to him. I led him on for so long. We dated for three years, when the honest truth was that I didn't really love him. There was someone else, someone who, I guess now I know, I was always going to love more than him."

"S-someone else?" Connor stuttered.

"Yeah." Jude said softly, grabbing Connor's hand. "I tried so hard to pretend I was over you. It tried to tell myself that it wasn't love, it was just a crush. A crush on my best friend that would never get me anywhere. And when you stopped talking to me, after a while I thought I had moved on, I guess because 'out of sight, out of mind' you know? But then, before the reunion, I started thinking about how I might see you there. And I just couldn't stop thinking about you. All these feelings came flooding back to me, and I got scared. I thought I loved Dylan. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that he was just there, and he filled some of the emptiness in my heart that you left. Dylan isn't stupid; he saw the way I looked at you. He didn't even know we kissed, he just was able to see that I still—" Jude paused for a moment. "I still loved you. And then that was the end of it. But right before he walked away he told me, 'you should go after Connor. It's doesn't take a lot of brains to see that you're both still head over heels for each other.' And I don't know if you're in love with me, I mean sure you kissed me but that could've meant nothing, but I guess after hearing Dylan say that, I at least owed it to him to tell you that I love you, regardless of the consequences."

Connor just stared at his lap, not moving, not meeting Jude's gaze, not letting go of Jude's hand. Not doing anything, except thinking, trying to process all that Jude had just told him. He was relieved that, finally, after all this time, he knew that Jude felt the same way about him and he was ecstatic for that same reason. And he was feeling so head over heels in love with the boy sitting next to him, holding his hand. But more than anything Connor was feeling scared. The rush of feelings was overwhelming Connor's brain, disconnecting his mind from his mouth and rendering him speechless.

"Connor, please say something." Jude pleaded. Connor's silence was deafening, and it was scaring Jude. He felt like that silence was telling him that Connor was just looking for a way to let him down easy. Jude waited for a few minutes, but still Connor didn't say anything. So Jude pulled his hand from Connor's and stood up to leave.

"Jude I—"

"You know what, forget I said anything. I was just being silly, getting my hopes up like that. You've never liked me like I wished you would but I guess I just thought—you know what never mind that's not important. But I guess now that I know that for sure, I have to move on. Goodbye Connor Stevens." Jude pulled his jacket closed, walking away from the bench, trying to hold the tears that were beginning to prick his eyes (though the stinging wind wasn't helping him much in that endeavor). When Connor was finally able to register everything that was happening, Jude had almost made it back to his car.

"Jude, wait!" Connor bellowed, jumping up and running towards him. Jude just kept walking, so Connor ran harder. But it was dark, and Connor didn't notice a large tree root on the ground, tripping over it and landing on his face. Figuring that Jude was probably gone now since he hadn't stopped when Connor called after him, Connor just laid there, tears falling onto the dirt, ignoring the physical pain that came from his contact with the hard ground, focusing instead on the emotional pain that came with Jude now being gone forever. All because of some stupid tree root he couldn't see in the darkness.

* * *

Jude had heard Connor's yell, but all Jude could think was that Connor just wanted to say goodbye like he had. Jude had no way to know whether that's what Connor really had in mind to do, but his pain was directing his judgment more than his reason. So he kept walking, ignoring that Connor was running after him. He climbed into the car, closing the door, starting the engine, and looking out the windshield just in time to see Connor fall. At first he really didn't think much of it, except Connor didn't move. He just laid there, face in the dirt, and Jude was scared that Connor had actually gotten hurt chasing after him. Whatever reason Connor had been chasing him, it didn't matter. Jude couldn't just leave Connor lying in the dirt all alone, at night. So Jude got out of the car, slowly and cautiously walking over to where Connor was.

"Connor, are you okay?" Jude said timidly, placing a hand on Connor's shoulder. Connor jolted, not expecting Jude (or anyone for that matter) to be there. Connor rolled over onto his back, away from Jude, sitting up and examining Jude carefully, thinking that maybe his fall had given him a concussion, and that this was just an illusion.

"Physically I am, I guess." Connor replied after a moment, still studying Jude intently.

"I'm not some hallucination or any thing like that Connor. I'm actually right here so you can stop looking at me like I might be an alien."

"Oh sorry." Connor mumbled.

"But you're not mentally okay?" Jude pressed.

"No." Connor croaked. "I made a huge mistake."

"If this is about the kiss again—"

"No Jude, it's not!" Connor snapped. "It's about me running away five years ago!"

"It was five years ago Connor. You don't have to feel guilty about it anymore, I'm over it."

"But I hurt you." Connor protested.

"So? All wounds heal with time." Jude shrugged. "But maybe it would help you to talk about it?"

"It won't." Connor replied.

"Why not?"

"Because it's been so long that I can't even remember why I ran away, Jude. And I'm scared. If I can't remember why I ran away, whose to say that I won't run away again? I can't guarantee that I won't and that only means that I'm probably just going to hurt you Jude and I just can't bear to think about hurting you again." Connor babbled, crying so hard that his whole body was shaking. Jude scooted closer to Connor, putting his arms around Connor's shoulders and pulling him into his chest.

"Do you love me Connor?" Jude said calmly.

"Wha—of course I do!" Connor spluttered out through the tears.

"And I love you. And that's the only thing I need from you Connor. Just be at my side and love me. I don't need you to promise me you won't leave, I don't need you to promise that you won't hurt me, I just need you." Jude whispered, gently rocking back and forth as he held Connor in his arms.

"Really?"

"Yes Connor. I just need you with me right now. That's all." Jude assured Connor. After a moment, Connor pulled away from Jude slightly, tilting his head up and capturing Jude in a gentle kiss, his tears falling onto Jude's cheeks. He stood up, taking Jude's hand and pulling him to his feet, slowly leading him back to their cars.

"So, Connor?" Jude asked. Connor didn't reply, instead following Jude to his car, leaving his car there and going home with Jude. Going home to Jude.


End file.
